Here’s Ed Aarons’ report we have a vigorous but ultimately disappointing game. Thanks for your company, emails and music tips. Goodnight.
Spot the outlier
These are the results of the last 15 games between Palace and Newcastle.
5-1, 1-0, 1-0, 1-1, 0-0, 0-1, 1-0, 1-0, 0-2, 1-2, 1-1, 1-0, 0- 0, 0-0, 0-0.
The updated Premier League table
This time last year, Newcastle were 19th, with 12 points from 20 games. Oh and they’d conceded 43 goals, compared to 11 this season.
Newcastle set a new club-record of 15 top-flight games without defeat, and keep yet another clean sheet, but they’ll be a bit frustrated by this result. They were the better team throughout, albeit without creating too many clear chances. In fact the best save was made by Nick Pope, who, having had nothing to do for 73 minutes, reacted quite brilliantly to tip Jean-Philippe Mateta’s shot over the bar.
This is an excellent result for Palace, who continues to turn up against the big teams. Palace looked weary in attack. They looked weary in defence, in truth, but they fought admirably to keep Newcastle at arm’s length for most of the game.
90+4 mins Joelinton reacts badly after being pulled back by Olise. He swung his arm back towards Olise and then shoved him, before the other players intervened. Both players are booked.
90+2 mins Four minutes of added time.
90+1 mins “Pixies predated Nirvana and had showcased Come on Pilgrim and Surfer Rosa before Nirvana dreamed of their first white vinyl,” says Brian Hudner. “As one physicist famously said to another: ‘You’re not even wrong’.”
I know. It’s an old, entirely infantile joke that I’ve been amusing myself with on these liveblogs since about 2004.
90 min: Palace substitution David Ozoh, 17, becomes Palace’s youngest ever Premier League player. He’s on for Odsonne Edouard.
89 mins: Chance for Newcastle! Murphy plays a one-two with Schar and flashes the most inviting ball that rolls right across the six-yard box. Eventually it reaches Saint-Maximin beyond the far post, but his first touch is slightly heavy and that allows the outrushing Palace defenders to block his shot.
88 mins “The Flaming Lips are probably the band that I’ve seen live more times than any other,” writes Simon McMahon. “Despite that, I’ve not yet listened to my copy of Zaireeka, the experimental concept album of four discs that needs to be played on separate systems at the same time. I’m guessing Pep Guardiola is a fan though.”
87 mins Doucoure is booked for a cynical foul on the breaking Saint-Maximin. For the team, he took one.
86 min: Newcastle substitution Jacob Murphy replaces Miguel Almiron, who must wish the World Cup never happened.
86 mins Trippier’s near-post corner hits Schar on the back and loops over the bar.
84 mins Ayew’s brilliant cross from the left just evades Mateta, who was well blocked by Burn. Great defending. At the other end Isak twists away from Guehi on the left side of the area, but Guehi stretches to make a fine tackle. Palace’s defenders have put in an admirable shift.
84 mins If it stays like this it will be the third goalless draw between Palace and Newcastle this season, and Newcastle’s third 0-0 in the last four Premier League games.
83 mins Longstaff goes over in the area after bumping into Mitchell, but the only penalty appeals come from the away fans.
82 mins Trippier’s very deep corner is headed straight at Guaita by Burn (I think). A quarter chance really.
82 mins “Ex-Fire Engines maverick Davie Henderson went on to form and deform the magnificent, post T.Rex, riff-swagger beast, Nectarine #9,” says Shane O’Leary, although he didn’t use the word ‘maverick’, “and Ballboy are cello-drenched teachers who write songs about the perfect murder.”
You are literally the first person I have ever heard talk about Ballboy. Who knew the MBM readership
hated themselves so much were so discerning?
81 mins Newcastle are really pushing for a winner now, pinning Palace back with a number of set pieces.
79 mins: Chance for Isak! Almiron plays in the overlapping Trippier, who stands up a decent cross towards Isak. He hangs in the air for ages but heads straight at Guaita. There was no pace on the ball, so it wasn’t the easiest chance.
79 mins “I feel like I was misreading the room with a comment about the match rather than late 90s alternative music,” says Tom Frater. “So in that vein I should also say that it’s only this year I first properly listened to Neutral Milk Hotel’s ‘In the Airplane Over The Sea’. Wholly worth the wait – although it’s slightly making me question my at-the-time-but-still-there love of the Decemberists, given how derivative the Portland outfit could be accused of being of the earlier act.”
Nothing wrong with being derived. People rave about the Pixies, and I’m a huge fan myself, but really they’re just a Nirvana tribute band.
78 mins Isak tries to run Richards, who times his tackle well. Corner to Newcastle.
76 mins That was Palace’s first shot on target. I know he’s not the greatest with the ball at his feet, and he has occasionally looked nervous when playing for England, but Nick Pope is an outrageously good shot-stopper.
75 mins Hughes is booked for repeating offending.
73 mins: Brilliant save from Pope! He’s had bugger all to do all game, which makes this save even better. Ayew’s speculative ball forward bounced off a couple of players in the area and fell to Mateta, 12 yards from goal. He nailed a rising shot across goal, but Pope flew to his right and stretched to tip it over the bar. That’s a spectacular reaction save.
72 mins “Another Grandaddy fan here who thinks they’re underrated,” says JR in Illinois. “Do yourself a favor (or favour) and check out the song MGM Grand. (It’s from the Signal to Snow Ratio EP). Of course I’m also an early Flaming Lips fan. In the early 90s a friend hired a bus and about 30 of us went to see them at a small club a couple hours away in Indianapolis where we were over half the crowd. Ah, those were the days.”
71 min: Palace substitution Jairo Riedewald replaces Joel Ward, who looks pretty tired and in no mood to spend 20 minutes chasing Allan Saint-Maximin.
70 mins “Well if your viewers are left disappointed by this game for any reason,” deadpans Colin Young, “they can come on down to ‘Emo-Therapy’, which is a covers band, doing pretty much what it says in the name; Blink 182, My Chemical Romance, etc. at the Cavendish Arms Stockwell London. If that floats anyone’s boat. Starts at 8pm so get a shutty on.”
You do Sparklehorse, right?
69 min: Double substitution for Newcastle Isak and Saint-Maximin replace Callum Wilson and Joe Willock. That presumably means Joelinton will move back into midfield.
69 mins “They probably can’t be connected with the American bands brought up already,” says John Davis, “but the discussion has reminded me of the criminally unknown Slint. Every time I see Jamaal Lascelles achieve another booking as a non-playing substitute, I start humming ‘Good Morning Captain’.”
They’re on my list of Bands I Really Should Get Into But Let’s Be Honest If It Was Going To Happen It Needed To Be About 15 Years Ago.
68 mins Newcastle are readying two high-class substitutes: Alexander Isak and Allan Saint-Maximin.
66 mins Willock twists the weary Ward one way and then the other, but Ward recovers to block Willock’s cross at the expense of a corner.
65 min: Triple substitution for Palace Michael Olise, Will Hughes and Jean-Philippe Mateta replace Jeff Schlupp, Eberechi Eze and the injured Wilfried Zaha.
63 mins “I see your point about those three albums as a triptych of some kind,” says Matt Dony. “Although, Deserter’s Songs is obviously the finest and set a bar that the other two could never realistically meet. Similarly, I group Steal My Sunshine by Len and Drinking In LA by Bran Van 3000 together. The songs are not necessarily alike, but always appear in my head together. I have nothing to add in regard to the match, sorry.”
We can talk about Liverpool if you like. Gakpo? Nunez? I know what you mean about those songs, both part of the 1999 One-Hit Wonder club I suppose, though I tend to put Steal My Sunshine alongside You Get What You Give by the New Radicals.
This must be all sorts of fun for people who don’t like late-90s alternative music, or music, or anything other than football.
62 mins: Chance for Newcastle! Trippier’s outswinging corner is headed wide of the near post by Botman. That’s another really good chance. He eased Edouard out of the way and then powered a header just wide.